Monday, February 23, 2009

Happy Birthday, darling Jolie

"Soit glorieuse, mon ange!"

Dear Friends,

Those of you who have seen “Bloodline” may have wondered about the dedication at the end:

“Dedicated, with love, to Jolie Maria Golden-Valtierra 1973 – 2005”

Jolie is my beloved daughter, and today is her birthday. It has been nearly four years now since she passed away from a blood clot on the day we started official production of “Bloodline.”

I struggled terribly through that first year, and, on the anniversary of her death, May 22, I was in London for a planned meeting with representatives of the Priory of Sion. Alone in my hotel room on the night of May 21, I found it impossible to sleep, thinking of my dear girl. So, as the clock passed midnight and into the 22nd of May, I began to write.

May 22, 2006

One year ago today, my world changed forever. I changed forever when I lost my funny, beautiful, loving, kind and crazy daughter, Jolie Maria. Things will never be the same for me or for all those who love and miss her, not the least of whom, her three amazing children, Edward, Liliana and Benjamin. Each of us must now go on, honoring the love she showed to all of us and the kindness she showed family, friends and strangers alike.

Jolie had a premonition of her early death. She told me so a few times throughout her life. I think she was about eight years old when she first said, “Mom, I’m not going to live to be very old. I’ll never live to be 35.” She probably only said it maybe three or four times over the years, and each time, I would chastise her, saying something to the effect of, “Honey, don’t say that! Don’t even give that thought any energy!” And she would just shrug and say, “Okay, Mom, but I’m just telling you.” To a mother, it was a thought too horrible to be entertained.

But the morning I found her lifeless body, it immediately struck me that, on some level, I had always known this was the way it would play out for us, and that, in her way, consciously or unconsciously, she had been trying to prepare me for it. Oh, my Darling Girl, I now thank you for that.

But even knowing that it was somehow in the plan for her to have such a short stay here with us, cannot take away the heartache from me, her Dad, her Mammy and Papa, her brother Devin, and those three children she loved so very much.

So, thank you, my friends, for the kindness and concern you have shown me through the past year. I know sometimes it’s difficult dealing with someone who has been damaged by such an event, so I cherish your heartfelt prayers and good wishes, and I hope I do not test your patience too much.

For those of you who knew Jolie, I don’t have to tell you what I miss about her. For those of you who didn’t, I wish you could have. She was like sunshine… always shining brightly, always smiling and laughing, no matter how she was suffering.

Oh, she wasn’t perfect… far from it. In fact, some of her life decisions seemed so wacky, they often drove me to distraction. But looking back on it all now, I believe she knew she didn’t have much time and was just trying to pack in as much life as she could. She did it with gusto!

And here’s to my daughter, my child, my sweet, sweet Jolie. . I love you forever and look forward to seeing you again one day when my work here is done. In the meantime, I thank you for staying with us those thirty-two years, and teaching me that love is all that matters.

I wish the whole world knew that, too.

Thank you, my friends, for letting me share my very personal feelings with you on this very special day for me.



Ben Hammott said...

Thank you for sharing Rene.

x Ben

AquA said...

Im sorry you lost you daughter.

Anonymous said...

Very sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing. It seems to strike a nerve for me. When I was younger (7yrs old) growing up, I used to have dreams of dying from falling. After falling off my top bunk a couple of times, I decided to sleep on the lower bunk. A few years later I noticed that I was no longer having those dreams. Around the age of 15, I began having dreams of being shot. My parents had asked me what I thought about moving to Arizona. I was excited about it. Later that year after we moved, one of my best friends and his younger brother, with whom I use to wrestle in his back yard with, were both shot. My best friend is now paralyzed from the waist down and his younger brother was killed. Shortly after that I realized I hadn't had any more dreams of being shot. Of course it makes me wonder now, what would have happened had I stayed on the top bunk, or not moved to Arizona.
It raises the question, what do our minds know that we don't? I want to believe that our dreams can tell our future. And if we pay attention, we can change it. It is like Deja Vu. Nobody can explain it, but we have all experienced it.
Your Daughter knew something, that was hard for you to believe or even wanted to believe. Just like You, Bruce, Ben, and the others with you; you know something that others find it hard to believe or just don't want to believe. I BELIEVE! I have never read the Bible all the way through. I have read parts here and there. But don't know it well enough to recite scriptures from it. Something in my mind has always kept me from it. My mind has told me to stay away from it. Something about it is unsettling to me. But I find the mysteries about it fascinating. There is a huge cover up and I am anxious to find out more. Its the truth that we all search for. And the big question will follow...WHY?!

Anonymous said...

Why would the Catholic Church lie only to later desire that the world know the truth? Why not just tell the truth from the beginning. If Jesus had children it would only make him more human, not less divine. Divinity has nothing to do with magical powers, but rather wisdom. And I believe that wisdom is what is being hidden from us. Wisdom that has placed certain individuals in power, financially, socially, and religiously. If the story of The mother of Jesus is false, then the idea of a Lucifer, Satan, Heaven and Hell also becomes false. And the religions that have basically molded our judicial system, educational system, banking system are merely a scheme to increase the wealth of others based on placing fear in the hearts of many around the world. Was there even a Jesus? I strongly believe that we have been led down the wrong path completely, because their is a higher power that is in fact divine and majestic. Tell The Pope To give the name of the one whom we all call GOD. Stop digging in the ground, and go straight to the source, because you will only find what they want you to find, therefore you will have become a part of their game of deceiving billions of individuals around the world.

Anonymous said...

Thank you sharing your wonderful daughter's legcay with us.
God bless you and your daughter.


Dr. Mom said...

Dear Rene, Your lovely and touching post about Jolie moved me to tears. She sounds like an amazing person,with many special gifts. As a mother, I cannot fathom the overwhelming devastation and heartbreak that loosing a child would bring. The fact that you lost Jolie as you were beginning this project makes the film even more special. I am so very sorry for your loss. Bless you and Jolie.

Dr. Mom said...

I just read your touching, loving post about your daughter, and it moved me to tears. As a mother, I can't even fathom the devastation, and heart break that loosing a child would bring. Knowing that you lost your lovely daughter at the beginning of this project, makes the film even more special. I am so very sorry for your loss. Bless you and Jolie. Kim Litzow